The Fowler Family Christmas Letter

"I'm amazed that you two are able to think up something new and stupid every year." ~ Lonnie's Mom

1999 - The Inaugural Year

The one that started it all. While visiting family at Thanksgiving, we saw a letter like this from some distant friends or friends of our parents. We threw the ida out there "What if we did one of those Christmas letter/year end updates, but nothing in it would be true? One subtly-off photo and one letter full of whatever we wanted followed. And thus, an odd family tradition was born.


Dear Family and Friends,
It's hard to believe it's already been a month since we sent our last letter. Frankly, we were a bit surprised that no one responded to our free recipe book offer. We trust you all are doing well.

Well, life has been busy for Sara lately with her two jobs and all. The telemarketing has been going well. She had someone on the line for an hour the other day before she got hung up on. Her boss says with that kind of work, she will surely be getting a promotion. She may not take it if they decide to hire her on full time down at the karate school. She's getting a callous on her forehead from breaking so many boards. We're so excited.

Lonnie has had plenty of time to spare while collecting his unemployment checks. He got replaced at the battery factory. Apparently, they have machines that tests 9volts better than his tongue. He is hoping to get a job at the state fair in the summer as a rodeo clown. Please keep him in your prayers, they're very picky.

Well, here's some exciting news. We're expecting a new arrival. We're planning on getting a cute little cactus for the bathroom. We think that would be a nice addition to the family. We do need more plants.

Some more news, Sara is pretty sure she saw Elvis at the Piggly Wiggly. She was picking up the new issue of the Backstreet Boys article in Seventeen magazine. Lonnie says that can't be true because at the same time, across town, he saw Elvis at the Old Country Buffet. Lonnie thinks that "The King" has lost some weight since his last appearance. He's down to 450 or so. Please keep praying for his weight loss.

In our last letter, we told you about the leprechaun that was staying with us. Well, he and Sara had a few words and we decided it was time for him to move on. We gave him a few of your names and addresses. We hope you don't mind. If he shows up, don't ask for any wishes or talk about his height. Bad idea.

We may be moving soon! Our neighbor next door talked about trading apartments. We've always wanted to move a little further south. We're still working on some of the details, because he's not sure if they'll allow cacti in his apartment. We so do need more plants.

Our Y2K shelter is almost built. We've been stocking up on extension cords and just bought a nice cappuccino maker. Just a couple of more nuclear weapons and we'll be ready for anything. We just hope that the power doesn't go out.

Well, Merry Christmas and Happy Y2K.
Bill and Susan Gaines

P.S. We had our names legally changed from Lonnie and Sara Fowler